Last month, my mother emailed me after three years of no contact. It was my parents' idea. Growing up, they provided for me, but we were never close. I used to watch other families, my friends' parents, and wonder why I didn't have what everyone seemed to have. One time, my mother discovered drawings I'd… Continue reading Family
It's strangely freeing to have no family. To be able to go where the wind takes you. In my case, this involved travelling. Motorcycle rides across North Vietnam. Salsa dancing in the streets of Colombia. Gliding down dessert hills in Morocco. Training Muay Thai in humid South Thailand. But now that I am months away… Continue reading Roots
It's crazy how much space social media occupies in your mind. Having deleted all of my social media accounts a week ago, it feels like the static is gone from the TV screen and I can finally see what's playing. I haven't been able to think this much and this vividly since I was a… Continue reading Connected
Sometimes life fades into a time-ticking, tortuous monotony, as if all the colour has been bleached into film noir. I think about the opening scene from American Beauty, how the life of Lester Burnham looks as bland as stale leftovers. "In less than a year, I'll be dead. In a way, I'm dead already." I mean,… Continue reading Wallflower
Sitting in these hours-long meetings I wonder, why are we afraid to say what we really feel? The corporate world is made of paper mache. The veneer of formalities overlays empty conversations, with jargon exclusive to white-collars and small talk that is as satisfying as salad. We nod without agreeing and hear without listening. We… Continue reading Office
There is a persistent hum in the office. It's the overlapping voices of workers in online meetings, putting on their headsets the way soldiers strap on helmets before battle. The pre-battle ritual before the helicopter lands and the dial connects: take a sip of water, clear the throat, plaster on a smile that will be… Continue reading Corporate
I lie awake tonight listening to the cars outside on roads slick with rainwater. I have jitters from the dexedrine I took, or maybe it's the adrenaline of hours of exercise. It's warm inside the thick walls of my friend's apartment, though the wind was crisp on my nose tip when I was outside mere… Continue reading Insomnia
There is a special concept in the novel 1984 by George Orwell, called doublethink. It's the idea that you can simultaneously accept two contradictory statements as truth. Below is an excerpt: "To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled… Continue reading Doublethink
There are two voices inside my head. One is a record-player of all my worst moments. It is the retrospective realisation that I have made too rash an action and hurt someone. It is the sting of broken relationships, the turbulence of my emotions and the whiplash of regret. It is the addict and cliff-diver,… Continue reading Voices
The Bearable Blog 