Insomnia

I lie awake tonight listening to the cars outside on roads slick with rainwater. I have jitters from the dexedrine I took, or maybe it’s the adrenaline of hours of exercise. It’s warm inside the thick walls of my friend’s apartment, though the wind was crisp on my nose tip when I was outside mere moments ago.

I think about how much of a fool I am sometimes (though forgiveably foolish) to feel things that I don’t yet understand. My head plays catchup to my heart, inches away from snagging it by the collar. I care so much about people and things that it burns like anger in my stomach. I don’t imagine that others can possibly feel the same as I do (not to the same intensity, surely).

Lately I feel that my lungs are thirsty for air, that they want to drink up the entire fucking galaxy. I’m excited to wake up day after day because I’m going to advance forward physically, mentally and socially, like levelling up stats in a game. My body is a coiled spring that craves to move, climb, skip, run, dance, fight. I have so so much energy and nothing makes me happier than to train for hours every day, which I have been doing.

In short, I feel tireless. My head is swimming with dreams and my body is a hamster on a wheel. My heart is an expanding balloon and my mind is bursting with excitement at everything in my life.

That is why tonight I have insomnia. It’s perhaps not always a bad thing.